Da CATifesto

CATifesto

1. Purrpose: To clearly state our needs and wants in maintaining a happy, fur-friendly household.
2. Basics: This includes our most basic needs. These rules can never be ignored, and any negligence can and will be brought before a board of our peers, unless summary execution is more convenient.
   
   • Clean water and fresh food must be available at all times. "Available" is defined to mean dishes are greater than or equal to 2/3rds full at all times. (We reserve the right to leave ‘gifts’ for our hoomans should this rule ever be forgotten.)
   • Litter boxes will be cleaned EVERY DAY. Having a doggie eat our contributions does not constitute meowed ‘cleaning.’
   • We will nap whenever and wherever we choose. If we occupy hooman space, they will stay put untils we are ready to get up.
   • Hoomans will not injure us physically, emotionally or in any other way, whether accidentally or otherwise. Not even if cat tails whips under yda hoomans feet. Accidents may be tolerated if appropriate tribute is paid.
   • All V-E-T visits must be preapproved and cats will be heavily rewarded for our troubles.
3. Quality of Life: Every cat may add to this list, as to include their own purrsonal preferences. No cat shall be denied their unalienable rights!
   
   • Grooming and health items such as scratching posts must be available. (If these are not available, then hoomans must accept full responsibility for any ‘enhancements’ made to their furniture.)
   • Cats will sleep in da big bed wif da hoomans. Hoomans are allowed to sleep on da floor if da cats wish to stretch out.
   • Sunpuddles must be available 24/7.
   • Dem sleepy hoomans' must wake up when da morning birds start chirping. (Also known as breakfast time).
   • Da hoomans will buy lots of cat toys to keep us entertained and intellectually stimulated.
   • Hoomans will provide a MINIMUM of 30 minutes of interactive playtime with us per day. This can be broken into 2 to 3 sessions, if needed.
   • All homes will maintain a birdfeeder. (High-rise dwellers may apply for a waiver.)
   • Comfortable window seats will be provided in front of all birdfeeders.
   • We will sing in the car if we wish.
   • We will climb on bookshelves, tables, kitchen counters or any place we choose.
   • Any items not bolted down on counters are subject to being thwokked to the ground.
   • We will accessorize clothing, furniture, quilts, etc. with fur or other substances if we wish to.
4. Dietary:
   
   • A shrimpie a day keepz dat V-E-T away. Special treats including shrimp, beef tenderloin or tuna sashimi will be offered at least twice a week.
   • Catnip will be provided in unlimited quantities.
   • When cats wakez hoomans up cuz we hungry, it mean we hungry NOW. Cats do noe haz 'Snooze button' opshun.
   • Hoomans can be demoted to "food dispenser."
5. Conditional Concessions: There are things we will allow you to do to us, but terms must be negotiated before these acts take place!
   
   • We will choose whether or not we wear clothes. If we opt to wear them, they will be seriously cool.
   • Hoomans will adhere to our nap schedule and no wakin us up to rub bellies or take flashy box pikshurs.
   • Humanz will turn da flash off to takin pikshurs of r cuteness.
   • Da hoomans type for cats and nothing else.
6. Feline/Anipal Household Duties: A list of we offer the hoomans… Like they shouldn’t just be grateful we bother with dem at all.
   
   • Purrrrrrr
7. Good Karma:
   
   • Hoomans will associate with organizations that effectively support our stated and implied rights.
   • Hoomans will avoid organizations dat don't support our rights.
8. Effective date of this agreement:
   • This agreement becomes effective when posted.
   • Acceptance of the caretaker role constitutes agreement to these general terms and CATitions.
9. Terminology Humans must learn: If we can meow it, hoomans should understand it!